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Laughs
Three friends from the local congregation were asked “When you’re
in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over
you, what would you like them to say?” Artie said: “I would
like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader,
and a great family man.” Eugene commented: “I would like
them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a
huge difference in people’s lives.” Don said: “I’d
like them to say, “Look, he’s moving!”
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Goldstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk
to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . “God, what does a million
years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.”
Goldstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.” Goldstein asks, “ Can
I have a penny?” The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
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A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful
to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men.
In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy.
What do you think I should do?” “Relax,” says the
Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly
where is Larry’s bar?”
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a “Curse”
he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says “Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were u sed to put
the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I
now pronounce you man and wife.”
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Lou was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Give me one last
request, Dear,” he said. “Of course, Lou,” his wife
said softly. “Six months after I die,” he said, “I
want you to marry Bob.” “But I thought you hated Bob,”she
said. With his last breath John said, “I do!” =================================================
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s
wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain
she’s poisoning me, what should I do?” The Rabbi then offers,
“Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can
find out and I’ll let you know.” A week later the Rabbi
calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to
her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?” The man
said yes and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”
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